“You don’t love me, do you?”…. “No”… and BANG! That’s it. This is how easy it is to become single after 5 years. Being in a hotel room, via phone… I know, I know it is crap, it wasn’t planned but in a way it was for the better. The bonus is that you throw up and cry all night alone and then go to work and look and feel crap (and crap doesn’t even begin to describe this look). I had the privilege to do this for 3 days before I had to go back “home”  and face everything. First it didn’t sink in. I couldn’t believe it. It didn’t feel real at all. Five years and I was scanning through every single bit of memory. How am I going to let this go? Crying because I remember every good part (first kiss, first date, first sex, first day in the house….) and the past, crying cos I do not know what the hell am I going to do now? Crying cos I am losing my future I never had and I never will, my house, a family who I loved and who loved me, my dance school and many other things. Feels like losing everything after one word: “No”…. So what is inside then? Nothing! The big nothing, the emptiness! For now…. Who shall I call first? What will my family say? What will his family say? How to break the news to the colleagues? (Yep, here is some advice: try not to get someone from work! The extra s*** you need to deal with is not good. Trust me!) No food for 3 days, losing weight rapidly, work is everything but important and the simple survival instinct kicks in. Lets survive this somehow and start from scratch….

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend E.)

Next: No blessing please!

Lost and lonely

Lost and lonely

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