Not sure about other mothers but mine didn’t take this whole story too well, I have to say. The amount of anger and sadness I received was almost unbearable. Because what have I done? I “killed” her dreams about becoming a grandma soon and giving a reason for her to be proud, which would have meant that she had a new purpose in life again.
For a long time she felt sorry for herself and not because she was selfish… The truth hit me one day when she was talking about the usual thing again: “how everybody is a grandma now and she sees babies everywhere etc.!” I used to think it was very unfair from her, cos lets face it, it is really not something which is up to me, is it? It doesn’t work like that (normally you need 2 people right?). Yes, I could have tricked the person I loved (falling pregnant by “accident” to keep the guy) but that’s not me at all, I don’t judge anyone who does it but I really don’t understand why someone decides to do that. So anyway, I had to ask her kindly to stop bringing this topic up every single time cos I am clearly sick of it cos it is not something I could change now and it is really not fair to put this pressure on me. It makes me feel crap and I can’t really just go and make it happen overnight.
So anyway, once I stopped thinking about myself I could see it clearly. Where she was coming from and why she couldn’t handle it. It made her realise that there is a chance that she won’t be here when it does happen. We all know that breaking up after 5 years means it won’t happen for at least a couple of years (I know, you never know, but let’s be realistic here). Suddenly I felt her pain, I could hear her unspoken words and motives and I felt even worse, I couldn’t carry someone else’s pain, I had a lot to sort out. I have never told her this of course. I never wanted to break her dreams but then she wasn’t the only one who had broken dreams….
(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend E.)
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