Being still at stage 1 when you still don’t really fully understand how life is going to change. You still have the survival instinct and you just keep going cos you don’t have a choice!
After a month I had the amazing task of getting rid of most of my belongings! Surely one of us had to leave the house and in this case it was obvious that it would be me. We agreed that he would buy me out and I would walk away, nice and easy. Didn’t know back then how hard and painful this whole process can be (Never again! Hopefully…).
Letting go of my dreams was one thing; I had known it wasn’t working (doesn’t mean it wasn’t just as painful). But this house wasn’t just a house, it was my home. It was a symbol, meant so much. I had saved and worked for so long (renting rooms for 4 years and saving like crazy), spent all of my money on it and it showed me how far I had gone. So many parties and friends around, so many happy memories. So many broken hearts got fixed there. And my garden was the best meditation place. Moving into a new house was a very special feeling, the first house! Something you would never forget, and of course I was so much in love, when you are so sure that you would grow old together in that house. We spent days scraping off the wallpaper, huge amount of money and energy to change everything. Anytime I think about it, it makes me shiver.
Took me two days to sort all of them out (one day alone and one day with my friend) and I had left most of the things behind as I really didn’t want to be reminded of anything. Some of the charities had a great day on that day. I knew that I couldn’t afford more than a studio or a room so I could only keep the most important things (still a lot). Most of my clothes had to go, but it wasn’t too difficult. There was a story behind every dress, or a wedding where we went to together…I cried for two days as I went through the last 5 years. From the smallest things to the biggest, knowing I would never see any of it again.
After two days everything was in boxes and bags, it felt like putting myself in one of those. And because it is not that simple to find a flat and I was about to go on the journey of my life the “the homeless lifestyle” officially started on that day.
Living out from a suitcase for 2 months, can’t get any better….
(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend E.)
Next: “Are U Single?”