After 5 years I almost forgot how it feels when people ask this question. Especially over 30 you cannot win. You don’t tick the expected boxes, you are simply “not good enough”. And they make sure that you feel this “society pressure”! Has anyone thought about that little thing that maybe it is not up to me? Anyway, the easiest way: Don’t worry about it! It doesn’t matter! Just because you are single you are not less, trust me!
Even when I wasn’t single the pressure was still there, only then the second question was: Are you married? When you are not, they give you the look and make you think that there is something wrong. And well in my case they were right but most of the time they are wrong. If you are married the next one is: Do you have kids? Again, they don’t think at all because you never know if that poor couple have been unsuccessfully trying for ages or not and clearly they don’t want to tell you this. If you have one kid: when are you planning the next one? And it is endless…. So might as well stop after the first question.
At the beginning I was silly and straight away I told the simple honest answer: “Yes!”. Didn’t realise that it would open the door for many other questions and the conversation ended up about me and my past which I really didn’t want to talk about. A cos it hurt, B cos it wasn’t their business. Took me time but I have learnt my lesson.
Now when they ask: Are you single? I have two answers:
1. Ask the same question straight away: Why, are you?
A. If they say no, the next question is easy because it can be something like “How long have you been together?” and “How did you meet?” etc. They start to talk about themselves and you are safe.
B. If they say yes, the next question can be: “Oh really how come?”, “How long have you been single?” But to be fair they have the same experience so it’s ok. Nothing to worry about.
If they insist that you should give an answer, my escape is this: “Does it make any difference?”
And this post could be much longer than this…..
(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend E.)
Next: Skeleton in the mirror