Having your heart broken is hard on you and your pain and suffering results in you receiving a lot of immediate support and sympathy (I did anyway). This is great. We all need this and most of us tend to lap it up, by the bucket-load! However this sympathy runs out reasonably fast, especially when people believe that you are strong and that you appear fine (that’s the image you are probably presenting to the world right now anyway). Also, naturally, they might think that you don’t want to keep being reminded of your unhappiness, so they stop asking you how you are getting on, and they get on with their own lives (naturally). Let’s be frank about why this might be. Firstly, you remind them of a great fear, it can happen to anyone. Secondly, you are more than likely to be a bit of an energy-sucker (no offence! I was the same) at this period in your life and not all can take it, only the best ones can.
But if you want to be happy, you need friends and family around you. The family part is more than likely sorted either way- they are bound to you by contract of blood. You can depress them for as long as you want and they will always call you up for more love and support. What concerned me the most was the friend part. I had friends whom I loved dearly but I felt like I just couldn’t keep on depressing them! I knew that in order to stop myself feeling rubbish (and also to keep my friends and I from going from insane) I needed to make some adjustments to my way of thinking. Listed below are my tips for success:
- Call your friends – don’t wait for them to call you. However if they don’t pick it up straight away do not call them constantly. Remember: they still have a life!
- When you call your friend keep one rule: never put all of your problems on them…
- … Don’t call the same friends every time. Spread it out nicely. ☺ Don’t drag them down or they might run away.
- It might also do you good if you could listen to them. It would help you to think about others whilst at the same time help to take your mind off of your own problems (it can easily happen that their stories make you realise that it can be worse).
- Push yourself out of your comfort zone. New hobby? New class? Try it!
- Start to work on your body, mind and soul, it will help you regain your confidence.
- Go out. Collect precious new memories.
- It isn’t a good idea to date straight after breaking up- no guy wants to hear stories about an ex. No matter how keen they appear to be listening, they are just being polite.
- Snogging a new person straight after a break-up might seem like fun at the time…but it has the potential to make you feel awful the next day… (but of course you know yourself better than anyone). But then again… how many times I have heard from my friends that “it was fun at the time”.
- Become an energy giver and help others (the first sign that you are getting better).
I know this is a long process but it works. His name and all the stories about him will start to fade. It is the time for new memories, new friends, new laughs and loves but you have to work hard to make it happen. You will become a great ball of sunshine and energy sooner than you think and attract people like a magnet. If I could do it you can do it, I am no different. So what are you going to do now?
(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)
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