Who am I? – when the journey begins

I can be anyone! The girl in a suit, the girl in ripped jeans, the girl in the red high heels, and the girl in a hoody! Anyone. I can be anyone from the outside. But who am I inside? Am I a good girl or a bad girl? Am I smart or stupid? Am I a silly or a serious person? All of them are me. Many pieces of me. But when I am single (and therefore not putting the real me out there straight away) I worry I will lose my sense of self. Confidence level is low or no confidence at all…. Took me a very long time to get it back…

Why do I want to be liked or loved by everybody anyway? When I am down and full of fears any tiny criticism makes me cry, pathetic I know, but I couldn’t control it. Around this time (of writing this particular blog) my tears were flowing freely and I couldn’t stop them. I was scared I was forgetting who I really was. Finding that girl who could make others laugh, who would give, who was never tired and full of energy… who smiled a lot more. That girl was there and I needed to find her. Somehow.

Once again I realised the first, and best thing, to do was to meet with my faithful friends and family. I immediately felt free, like a bird, no strings, no filter, no judgment, no thinking. It was me, the true side of me. Everything begins with building up your confidence and self-esteem. To get it back is tough. It is a long and painful process- reflecting on yourself. How can you believe in yourself when there is no one close-by to tell you that you are amazing? I needed to get to a point where I believed- even if no one else ever did. I had to be proud of myself by doing the things I always wanted to do and not being afraid of showing off the real me. This is the key. And this is when my new journey started…

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

Next: The fear of living alone

The search

The search

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