The fear of living alone

Being single and living on your own can be really scary when you have no one around you. It’s only you.

You can’t get ill because no one will bring you anything in bed. You definitely can’t afford to break your arm or leg otherwise you are in serious trouble! (Not that I recommend breaking a bone if you are coupled.) Even if you have friends in the city it wouldn’t be enough. But when you are new in the town you have no one. Not long ago I was very proud of myself because I changed the fuse in my standing lamp. Yeaaah it only takes a minute but I ordered the fuse and did it myself. No one else needed. However as I was switching the light on something suddenly hit me. If I didn’t do it right and I got an electric shock, no one would find me. No one would miss me. Okay a little dramatic but still if something had happened… maybe my mum would start to worry around Sunday when I don’t call her, but not many others would notice at first! It shouldn’t be like this.

There is no way that I am the only one with this fear. I know that I can’t live in fear (cos it’s simply stupid) so I have to stop worrying and I know I will sort it out but it is still there.

Luckily I have some nice neighbours and although they wouldn’t necessarily knock for tea I think if I screamed loud enough they would come in. One of them even has a key to my flat; this is trust. Purely because I have to trust them as no one else I know lives nearby if I get locked out. The other neighbour is pretty cool as well. He lives there with Ted (his dog). He is a make-up artist and very talented. I wish he was my type as it would be a great love story. But instead we are just really good neighbours. (When I have too much food I give my neighbour and Ted some and I love going for a walk with them. Great company. Ted is super clever and the best alarm.)

This is the only time when I think a flat-share would have been better. More fun, lively and at least someone to bring you medicine and/or notice if you died from a faulty fuse!

PS: my journey has included many lessons about fear and how to keep it under control. The most important thing is: it’s all in your head, it is not real…

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

Next: It’s Christmas and I am single, so?

Fear

Fear – BSIL

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