Look forward and not backward

Once you have a plan you can start to make actions. Making many lists doesn’t mean you are actually doing anything (I can say this because I am the first one who does this). You have to start scheduling them so you make them happen. If you do that there is a beautiful side effect. You begin to look forward and not backward. This is a golden rule; breaking the habit of looking back. A very hard thing to do I know. It is so easy to look back and see what I have lost and how I used to have everything and poor me etc. It is much harder to look ahead and build it all up again. I knew one thing though: I have done it once, I can do it again.

I started to pay for courses when I felt a bit better (starting to sort out the mind and keep it busy) and once you pay for something you are more likely to turn up which in turn puts you into a nice routine. You should start something you have always wanted to do. If you have a hobby already, now is the time you can really make the most of it! When I had to save up because I wanted to change jobs I had to be a bit more creative as I didn’t want to spend money. Apart from running and doing my work out DVD at home I started to do meet ups and learn about things I always wanted. I love learning from other people too (geek I know).

Once I was done with the “thinking about the past 24/7” period I started going through the grieving period and experiencing all the other stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance etc…Once it is ALL done, and only time can help here really, I did notice that kicking my own butt and doing these things helped me to change the trend and I broke the bad habit. Looking forward became the new trend. It took me a year to turn this around completely and now I am more excited about my future than ever before. I genuinely wouldn’t swap it for my past (when I was happy but differently) at all. It is so much better and so much more exciting. It was the new me, the 3.1 version by then.

The world opened up and the law of attraction (again) started to work like magic. I believe in the power of mind and being positive and selfless. I believe these thoughts will start to attract good people, good experiences, good plans and much more. You get more energy than ever because you give more energy as well.

I read a book about depression, which assured me that as long as I go to work I am not depressed (Great news!). And if I dress up every day I am actually really far from it. Bonus! So I had to keep myself busy, putting the excuses away and listen to my inner voice. My inner voice was always there to help but I am great at finding excuses to ignore it!

I also came up with a great trick. When I didn’t have energy in the morning to do something for example, go to dance, I called my best friend and quickly told her to tell me that I should go to dance. I would also tell her my plan for the day which I wanted to postpone. She did what she was told and she kindly repeated what I said and because my brain heard it from outside I actually started to act. Also she became my accountability body for the day, I knew I wouldn’t lie to her or let her down so I just did what I planned for the day and I felt brilliant in the end. I didn’t waste a day! And this simple thing added to my self-esteem as well. It was all connected.

Luckily those days didn’t last long where I needed to rely on a friend for motivation. When you need energy you should be able to seek help but make sure you don’t drain one person and make sure you spread your resources (previous post). Don’t just take from others. Start to get your energy from sport, work, a hobby and helping others. Once you start to help others and know how to give again you can be sure that you will start to glow again.

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

Next: Maintenance, friends with benefits and sex with the X

Look forward

Look forward


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