Maintenance, friends with benefits and sex with the X

The heart knows what it wants right? (Erm… except when it doesn’t.) Same with the body! Most of the time my mind is in charge. However I would lie if I didn’t admit that sometimes the body is screaming and yelling, hormones take over and common sense does not prevail. Most of the time I am sensible but sometimes… and the worst we can do is to regret anything. By age my balance of sensible and in control to regrets and not in control, is getting better (thank god). In my twenties I made some silly decisions, if the little fairy came and I could ask her for some specific memory loss, some of these regrets would be included, no doubt. I bet I am not the only one who feels that way… I tend to mostly follow my instincts though. It keeps me safe. I have never had a one night stand in spite of my friends telling me that I am missing out. Oh well, maybe one day!

Throw sexual needs into the equation and I think being sensible becomes a little harder. I think it is pretty unfair that for guys regular sexual satisfaction and maintenance is completely acceptable. They are proud of it. The more the merrier. For girls however it is the opposite, you feel the need to be a little more discreet. Girls tend to punish themselves when single and getting over an ex, but to be ready to have sex again I strongly believe that you have to be steady in your head and heart. Make sure you take full responsibility for your decision. Know that you are not less, you are not bad and ensure sure you don’t drop your standards just because your body is craving sex/ you are feeling weak and or worthless. Also make sure you don’t use or hurt others and you are on the same page. I wish guys could keep this simple manner. It doesn’t matter if it’s only a one night stand or a planned “let’s watch a DVD together” type of thing, make sure you know what you are doing. I know so many stories where it started like this and they got married. Not sure if this is the majority though, never checked the statistics.

Friends with benefits is another useful thing or it can be anyway. The main problem is that girls are more likely to get hooked on it and feel that it is a kind-of relationship. Also it can make you lazy and you get into this catch 22 situation. On the one hand you get satisfaction but on the other you are not open enough, you aren’t looking up to see who else is around. You get stuck for a longtime and lose the opportunity to find someone who can actually make you happy. However granted there are times when it does work. Just recently one of my new friends told me that her “friend” after a year decided to change the status and now they are a couple. Then again: Not sure if this is the majority though, never checked the statistics.

Most of the time however the seemingly easiest option is to go back to the EX for sex. It is also the most dangerous one. It makes everything more complicated and painful. The healing process can last forever this way! Only do it if you have given yourself enough time and you can really do this without getting hurt. The ex won’t say no so it’s up to you to look after yourself.

Sometimes I wish I could act like a boy. They don’t overthink things, they don’t feel guilty, they move on pretty fast and they tend to not get emotional so easily. For guys there is no extra baggage, only pure exercise and pleasure. Lucky them!

(Some broad sweeping stereotypes might have occurred in this blog. I acknowledge that not all men and women act in the same way. The majority of men and women are loving wonderful people.)

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

Next: The first Meet Up

When the body knows...

When the body knows…

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