Most of the people don’t realise how much feedback means to single people. Since I read a Dale Carnegie book* I understood the reasoning behind it. Before that, I just knew it. How do I know when a friend becomes single? Within days her Facebook is full of selfies. I have no problem with this by the way it is normal (I did the same). It is very easy to get addictive to this and count the likes. And at the beginning it does help a little bit but then again it is only a temporary fix.
When after many years of your daily feedback (as in somebody telling you how you look) suddenly stops it is very hard to find a new source to fill this gap. I used to be told how nice I looked or how good I am on a daily basis. Breaking up is not just a massive shock to the body but also massive shock to our confidence levels (in addition to many other things). When you are lucky enough to be feeling stronger you realise it wasn’t your fault and there is nothing wrong with you. However you can still have confidence and self-esteem issues. Bye-bye self-esteem, see you later! The fear is palatable. All the paranoid thoughts are there. You think you were not good enough, you think there is something wrong with you. And how can a guy like someone like me, when I don’t have big boobs (just an example)?! We all have fears.
How to replace this nice feedback flood we used to get? You can’t really get it from outside as much anymore, you have to find it within yourself and just simply learn to know that you are amazing and no one should make you question that! I started shopping to get my confidence up- even though I literally only bought black clothes! However we soon realise that doesn’t help really either. So we start to work on our body, appearance and looks, which is a good thing actually (don’t stay at home and eat chocolate and get fat because you make your life even more difficult). Why do we always get bigger and lazier when we are in a relationship (well done if you are the exception)? We shouldn’t really but we do.
So ditch the shopping habit – old clothes are just as good, save your money! (Retail therapy does work, don’t get me wrong, just keep it minimal for now…)
So feeding our self-esteem will come from working inside/ out. We can work on our appearance as a good start, and taking photos of ourselves to post to social media will hopefully get you the comments and likes your confidence so needs. However especially important is to start doing things, which makes us proud of ourselves. It can be anything, charity, a course, exercise goals, or just learning to play a new instrument.
If you have a single friend be nice to her and compliment her, even if normally you don’t do it. It costs you nothing and you can make such a difference.
*(How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie – READ IT!)
(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)
Next: Just shut the f*** up