I felt a bit down. Something along the lines of, when did I get so fat? Why does everybody hate me? Why am I good for nothing? I have nothing… I am worth nothing… I am not good enough for anyone. I am ugly and I have many spots and I look awful and I don’t have any decent clothes to put on…. Does it sound familiar? And in no time the tears were flooding. The only thing, which could force me to get up: was just knowing I had to or it would be a miserable, miserable day (and perhaps maybe if I had had any chocolate it could have enticed me out of my pit). So what happened since last night, when I was happy and full of ideas and energy and friends and I looked fabulous? The answer is damn simple. … Isn’t it obvious after so many years? It’s just one those days…
I used to spend these days inside the house and feeling sorry for myself. What a waste! But back then the sadness from my heartbreak was so strong that I couldn’t see reason or sense. When you have fewer reasons to feel sorry for yourself logic has more chance but of course we can find reasons anytime no matter how full that glass is. Due to human nature we can never feel satisfied can we?
So what now? Suddenly it’s like being in the matrix movie. We have two choices. Firstly shall we stay in bed and survive this time with ice cream (which clearly is the easier option) or we can choose the other, the one where we have to face our life and all the difficulties and face the challenges no matter how big or small they are. Yes it will be harder but I guess we all know this is the right choice.
Ok so we finally decide to face reality but the next question is: How? When we have no energy, no motivation, no solid purpose. Searching heavily in our mind to find at least the tiniest reason for our existence and purpose. Finding this on a morning like this is impossible. So let’s go back to the basics. Shall we just start to feel like human again? Creating a very simple to do list is a start on the “how”:
- Bathroom: hair, teeth and face
- Clothes: any (if you start to make smarter more presentable decisions then you can tap yourself on the shoulder as you progress)
- Food: whatever you find and definitely a coffee. If you are really good you might even consider to go out for a coffee or do some shopping (you can be really proud by then)
- Make up: even if you stay at home do it! It gives you confidence no matter what
- Phone call: best friend or family- anyone will do. Start to talk and feel alive. I love asking them to tell me off and tell me that I should do what I wanted to do (see previous post)! Works every time.
The rest will come after this! You can function again and make your real list! 🙂
Or was it the weather after all? ☺
Next: Turning point
(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)