One of my mentors has been a great advisor on fear. I have found it really useful therefore I felt the need to share it. We have fears. It is a fact. I think we can say that fear is in our lives pretty much constantly. This is a quick method he taught us (it was a training course).
First of all he asked us to name our fears, so we did. He explained that naming them is the first step. I have to say, it was a therapy on its own. Straight away you can feel a kind of relief. You don’t just have that bad feeling anymore you can’t explain. It gets a form. Sharing our fears with each other was something very intimate. And really soon we found out that we all had the same type of fears. Fear of not being successful, not being good enough, fear of rejection and mistakes. The next step is to try to find the proof or evidence. It won’t take long really. Why not? Because you won’t find anything. As a third step you have to accept that all fear is empty. We all make mistakes, we are human. This is true and real. But fear is not. Fear is generated and it‘s blocking us. And it effects every single area in our lives. Relationship, friendship, work etc.
(see below previous post about fear of being single forever – “Fear is NOT real”)
If our inner game is not right we can’t succeed. Putting it right is not as easy though. Changing our mindset and long term beliefs is a big challenge.
However step by step and day by day everything is possible. We have all seen the wizard of Oz. The very deep scary voice of Oz, everybody is scared of it. You feel vulnerable and no protection like you have no protection. However we learn soon enough that behind this scary voice there is nothing else just this old little man. It is the same with fear. Imagine every time you think you will fail that a little old man is telling you that you will fail, not the big deep echoey sound. It does help. Immediately you are not scared anymore. You feel your power again. Since he thought me this I have unblocked my barriers. It’s all about perspective and mindset. The “I can do” attitude. I am not as scared anymore. Not scared of making mistakes. Not scared of not being perfect. Being perfect is intimidating. Being imperfect is human. We don’t have to be perfect, we just have to be good enough. And are we good enough? Of course we are 🙂 And on those occasions when someone cannot see this you have to remind myself that you are good enough. Or just call your friends and family and they will tell you. I do it all the time. I have my ups and downs. I do have my weak moments. When I just want to be in a dark room and not to talk to anyone and not to be seen. Hiding and digesting whatever emotion I have. However what recovery means is that these moments are getting shorter, I can recover faster and they are not frequent anymore. In fact they are more or less under control. They are always there. And you can be single or in a relationship, fear won’t let you escape. But everything is easier when you are loved, it is true. No one can deny this. When you are loved you get limitless energy source. The biggest challenge is to find other sources which give you happiness and energy. And from that point you are unbeatable!
I would like to dedicate this post to my mentor and friend Paul Atherton, who helped me to grow significantly and who is the best mentor.
(Author: An, not edited)
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