The new chapter – Get Inspired London

I am not sure where to start, this is far too emotional….
First of all, I am super grateful and happy right now! I would like to say a massive thank you! To all of my friends and followers and to everybody who helped me and supported me in the last couple of years. My journey back to me has been an amazing time. I have found myself and have grown a lot. This chapter of my life has come to an end and I am ready to share the next one with you. I have said everything I was planning to say here and I hope it helped many people. If it did, I have fulfilled this dream 🙂

How did it all start?
I remember the exact morning. It was one year after the big bang. I woke up and I had this very clear picture in my head: I need to share my story so I can help and inspire others! I knew how hard it was to pull myself together, one of the hardest year ever and I knew I wasn’t alone. I was 100% sure that every single day many of us are getting into this life changing moment and even just knowing that we are not alone and there is a light at the end of the tunnel can make a massive difference.

I started to write my notes and just let it out. I was writing on the tube, at home, at my lunch break, on the plane, whenever I had time or inspiration. I learnt how to create a blog, learnt WordPress, search engine optimisation, did a sales course which helped with my inner game a lot. And I took many pictures and learnt Photoshop. I met Rebecca on the way who helped me extremely lot and who became my best friend and co-founder of this project and the next as well of course. Met Sarah who kindly edited most of my posts so my brutal honesty was softened just enough ;-). Met Paul C. who helped my with the technical difficulties and met Paul A. who thought me about inner game and so much more. And to be fair the list is endless. I could feel from the beginning that this journey was blessed. And this is what really helped me. I met with the most amazing people and the support and feedback I received after the launch was an amazing pay off.

One year later I had everything ready for the blog. Except one thing. I didn’t have the time to put everything up on this blog. Every morning I woke up with the same sentence in my head: I need to make this happen! The inner voice was louder than ever. It didn’t go away. So I quit my job (I had my signs, see previous post) and I wrote a letter to the Universe…. again!
Dear Universe, …..  I was super specific, I asked for a new job and I asked for a month break so I can do the blog and set up the meet-up group for single girls in London. One week after I had quit I got my new job. They wanted me to start straight away of course. And guess what happened. HR screwed up something and they couldn’t start the whole process for weeks. They also needed to do a background check and order a new laptop etc. They constantly apologised for the delay….  It still makes me shiver, just to think about it. How everything happened how it meant to be. What’s the chance of that? I had 5 weeks knowing I have a super job. That 5 week period was the busiest time ever. I worked at least 10 hours a day 🙂 starting the new job was a relief but I had everything ready. It was in May 2015.

And what happened in the last year?
The meet-up group had almost a 1000 member and we had events on every week. Social nights, wall climbing, free jumping, cinema night and many others. All for free. It was a huge success. Many of the group members have become friends and many of them are not single anymore.  The blog has many visitors from many countries and I have received many emails and messages saying thank you for sharing my story and how much it helped them. And these emails and the happy faces at the meet-up events were my payoffs. Interestingly many people asked how much money I make out of this and why I am doing this if I don’t get any money. The answer is simple, I don’t do this for the money, actually it cost me a fair amount to run the blog and the events. But it was worth it. I have learnt so much from it and I have met with the most wonderful people. And it is priceless, something money cannot buy. And seeing the girls growing and finding new friends via this group was my biggest pay off. Because I knew it was working, I knew it was worth it. I was so fortunate so many times I felt that finally I could give something back to the Universe. This last year was full of adventures and happiness. Thanks to my new job, which I love and enjoy, I could travel a lot and visit Croatia, Monaco, Lisbon, Berlin, Switzerland, Thailand and New York and I started to learn all the things I always wanted. I moved together with my wonderful friend Lucia and we had a year full of fun. I have inspired so many people and helped them to believe themselves and achieve their dreams. And all of this helped me to start the next chapter….

Get Inspired London – The new chapter
And this is where I am now. I have recorded many videos and took many pictures to make sure I can share it with you and I can inspire more people than ever. I am learning video editing and video optimisation. We closed down the single group on meet-up and opened a new one on Facebook which is now available to everybody. We are running a social event monthly and trying out new activities whenever we can.  Our goal is to share many ideas and activities and inspire as many of you as possible. Making sure no one stays at home! I have now Emily and Rebecca helping me with this super exciting project, I couldn’t make this happen without them. I am truly blessed! Long way to go but I am 100% sure it will be as blessed as this chapter. It is not a goodbye, it is only the beginning 🙂 http://www.getinspiredlondon.com See you there!

Love you all,
An

The new blog: http://www.getinspiredlondon.com
Our new Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/GetInspiredLDN/?ref=bookmarks
The new group where you can join us: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1336162143067498/
Instagram: getinspiredlondon
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfYTsFyenKcTHxBJAooA5zg
Twitter: @getinspired_LDN

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An 3.2 version

If you are still reading this you know my journey and you can easily understand why I am so grateful for this moment. We write and get inspired when we are sad. We need to let it out. Many teenagers (including me) are writing diaries for the same reason. It simply helps. How many songs and poems were born from pain and sadness. This time I would like to make sure it’s written when I am happy too. Not because I want to rub it in (that’s not me). It’s been a long journey since the big bang and I had “my share” I think. We all do. The biggest difference and how I measure my improvement is that nowadays I am able to enjoy what I have achieved so far. I feel completely balanced. Inside and outside as well. I am more than ok physically and emotionally, mentally and financially.  I am simply happy. Couldn’t complain even if I wanted to. Worked hard to get the job I always desired, being there where I hoped to be. (Yes, I got an amazing job straight away…. again…. I know I am freaking lucky)  I am attracting super people around me on a daily level. Based on the law of attraction recently all the right books, film, stories etc find me. Loving my new place (yes, moved again, it is London after all ), loving my new job and colleagues, loving my friends but mainly I am loving myself.

My whole inner game got sorted. I look up again, I walk straight. I smile all the time and be able to lough out loud. I am being able to inspire and motivate others again. Give them hope and energy.And yes, at this point I am still single. My calendar is finally booked with happiness. Always doing something good. Everything feels connected and every story has its meaning. Being positive and a natural giver again feels brilliant. Getting all the signs, doing all the things I meant to do, feeling all that energy through my veins. Watching the sunset, hearing the birds, seeing the nature in its true form. I am tasting food and enjoying the flavours. I am training the body and feeling the muscles. I am socializing and listening. I am studying and growing.

I am able to smile when I miss the last tube or my flight is delayed or I need to stay at work for longer or I make a mistake or someone doesn’t respond or just ignores me. I know who I am and what I am worth. No one can hurt me and I am confident. I am full of plans and I am looking only forward. It’s all about the mindset and positive thinking! It’s your life and you are the only one who can change it. It starts with now and it starts with a positive thought 🙂 Spread the love!

(Author: An, not edited)

Next: The next chapter

3.2

 

Oops, I did it again…

When I am sitting on the tube and it is not crazy busy I always have this super calm feeling. I should feel frustrated but instead I feel relaxed, it sounds weird but let me explain!

When I am on the tube time stops. Everything is out of my control, it is a must  and there is nothing I could do instead. It means that sitting on the tube is doing something, that time is justified. Therefore whatever I am doing counts as an extra activity, feeling super productive.  I can let my thoughts run without feeling that I am wasting my time (let’s call it daydreaming). I can read a fiction book, I can write, learn languages or just listen to music (depending on the line of course – Bakerloo? No chance!).

In this moment, when I am writing this post, I have the this feeling… I have done something and I need to share this with you.
I quit my job. Again!
Yes, I did. And without having another one. No, I haven’t lost my mind and I know what I am doing. I should explain why but it is not the right time. The main thing is that being in my new job for only 10 months was more than enough. I got my signs. I have decided to look for a job where I can grow and I can be myself. I haven’t been without a job since I was 18, since I have finished high school. Even when I changed country I was only jobless for two weeks.

I know it was a good decision and I have no doubt. However the reactions of other people can be shocking. Made me realise that we all live in fear, other people are very judgemental and the main thing I realised (again and again) that I shouldn’t care about others opinion.

I could quit because I was confident I could find something else. I could quit because I have no mortgage or kids. I could quit because I have savings. I could quit because I know I can live on bread and water and go back to basics. I could quit because I am not scared. And mainly I could quit because I am in control of my own life and I wasn’t happy there. Life is far too short to spend it somewhere you are not happy.

I don’t understand why people are keep telling me it’s just a job and it’s the same everywhere and don’t worry about it just get on with it. I guess it’s easy when you have never had one you actually enjoyed, where you loved everybody and you could learn and grow. But I have had this and I am missing it and I know it does exist!

I haven’t told my mum yet. She would be too worried and she is not well anyway. I don’t want to give her another reason to worry about. Being single is enough. Being jobless is another level.

So finally I sent my CV to 30 places at least, had time to work on the blog and meet ups which is my big dream and purpose and I talked to many friends after a long break. Worked on my body and made new plans. And I can see the sun, bonus! Hottest April in 2015, lucky me!

My friend told me to send my CV to other countries as well, let’s see what happens… Is it my turn to leave London?

(Author: An, not edited)

Next: An 3.2 version

your only limit is you

It’s all about the ring

Being single is one thing, people get the usual pressure from the society (over 30).  Nothing new, it is time to hurry up and find someone. When you are single you get used to it (see old posts below). When you are in a relationship for a long time however, you need to be prepared for another type of pressure…

The unavoidable question; “And when are you two going to get married? “Classic! I was lucky enough to “enjoy” this fascinating question for a year at least. Recently I have been talking to another friend who brought these memories back and made me realise how many of us have been through this or going through right now…

Being in a relationship for 5 years without “the” ring can make you feel doubtful. Even if you are not that type, people around you would remind you that subject every day, so eventually you start to raise these questions: “Does he still love me?”, “Does he plan with us?”, “Is he just lazy and wasting my time?”….. Worst dates in the diary: Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, 30th birthday, trip to Paris, Rome, Venice or Thailand (not a full list, I know). And this is the time when those nasty expectations can ruin everything because they only make people feeling disappointed. And disappointment can lead to bad decisions. Surprise pregnancy (the child will fix everything), getting on dating sites, having an affair, or just simply being happy because it is still better than being alone etc. 

I think it’s actually not about the ring. Happy couples do get married after 5-20 years and the ring is never a problem. It made me wonder why. The ring is only a symbol, the most important thing is communication and how the other person makes you feel. If he talks about the future, kids and expresses his love on a daily basis this fear doesn’t exist. Likewise if he never mentions the future, kids or the fact that you will get old together, you start to have this awful fear and you are probably right, something is not ok. And everything can fall apart pretty soon after.

It feels like a lifetime ago when I used to face this pressure every day. Due to the fact that this friend has just told me her story, my feelings from the past became crystal clear for a couple of minutes (those comments, the sadness). How people were checking my finger all the time, how he didn’t say anything when they asked us. Of course he didn’t, because he knew that what we had just wasn’t enough. I don’t blame him by the way, I know why he didn’t feel it and he was right.

I will never forget that moment when I got my birthday present, a trip to Venice (which is beautiful by the way and highly recommend it). I knew it would be our last trip. Being there where everybody holds hands and there is so much love in the air and many engagements on a daily basis. Except us of course. It was visible that we were not one of the many happy couples. We didn’t have it anymore. That special something was gone. Normally I take many pictures, that time I only took a few… This is how Venice could become a sad memory for a year or so.

Now I don’t mind to remember it at all. I only remember the good things of course. Time fixes everything. Two months later we weren’t together… According to my friends they all warned him not to take me to Venice if there is no ring.  But he loved me (just not enough) and wanted to make me happy. Guys really don’t think like girls. He really didn’t think it would be a problem. They looked at my hands after the trip, not his. Colleagues, family, friends and even my hairdresser.

I can really feel other people’s pain and doubts when they tell me about their fear and I don’t have an answer. I can’t give any advice and I wouldn’t. All I can say is that I know how you feel and I made one promise – I’d never ever ask couples about when and if they are planning to get married. And I’d never ask married couples when they want kids. And never ask them when the second one is coming. You just never know what they are going through. How long they have been trying or what other problems they have. Stick to the weather. English people talk about the weather all the time for a good reason. It’s safe….

(Author: An, not edited)

Next: Being out of practise 

its all about the ring

its all about the ring

Feeling happy and lost at the same time

In 8 whole years, without a doubt this is the second time I have felt absolutely crap, shit and lost…etc. This is the time when I wish I could teleport, when I hate myself for not being with the people I love and grew up with. All I want is to be able to be with them when things matter most….

I received the following text at 4.35 am: “it is happening…”

I couldn’t go back to sleep of course, it was too much excitement for me to handle. It was no surprise that on the following day, I wasn’t really productive. Normally I work my ass off so on this occasion I didn’t feel guilty at all. My eyes kept coming back to my phone every minute – all day – only to read “No new message”. Another hour passed and still I heard nothing. It is so easy to get addicted and dependent on the little buzz on that plastic square object. I know it wasn’t me who was going through the hardest time and it wasn’t me who had all the pressure, but it was me who was extremely nervous and excited and who prayed every second. I prayed “please God tell me that they are ok! Please let it be quick and easy.” It wasn’t quick, or it certainly didn’t feel like it anyway. The next message came at 16.45 pm: he arrived at 16.13, both mum and boy are doing well.

The amount of relief I felt is not something I can easily explain. The flood of emotions hit me so hard it knocked me over. Tears were running down on my face and I couldn’t stop. Two beautiful pictures appeared on my screen and I was simultaneously the happiest and the most upset person. I couldn’t be more delighted for my one and only best friend who has had the most amazing experience. She is a heroine and who has become a mum (an amazing and beautiful mum). And I couldn’t be with her, I couldn’t visit her, in fact I was thousands of miles away.  Suddenly I felt empty, I felt that nothing matters anymore. Who cares about work and money, carrier and path. This is what matters, this is where I should be. It was a wrong decision I know now. It was silly, so silly and I can’t stop blaming myself. I should just pack and go. Would I regret it? Maybe. Would I miss what I have built up again and achieved? More than likely. But right now nothing matters to me. Right now I can’t be where I want to be and where I am supposed to be. Right now I feel so lonely like never before. I can’t show my love or express myself, I just can’t explain how much it hurts. And at the same time I am so happy that it also hurts.

There is only one thing I hope you know my dearest friend: I love you!!! More than you could imagine.

Next: Good or nothing

(Author: An, checked by my lovely friend Rebecca)

addiction

Addiction

When Cancer is taking your loved ones…

I don’t know when and how I will leave the planet but if I can choose I hope it won’t be cancer…. but life is not a wish granting factory….  Once a year I raise money for charities, this is how I chose to remember my loved ones. Remembering those who can’t be here with me anymore (only in my heart). I realise this is just one of many sad cancer stories but this is my story, the one I “watched” from the front row…

Have you ever lost anyone after losing the fight against cancer? I hope you haven’t… I have… This is something I don’t wish upon anyone. However if you have, you will understand why I am saying this. You understand how cruel it is to watch the ones you love the most suffering, changing, leaving you behind. And you get to stay behind and “deal” with it. If only it was that simple…

Within 24 months I lost my uncle, my grandma and my father. In this order. One after the other… Half of my family was gone and there was nothing I could have done about it. I found it very difficult to deal with it, not living at home helped in one way as I didn’t see the stages so frequently, but on the other hand I had to deal with something worse: guilt. For not being able to help and be there more often.

Not being able to ease the pain. My family of course did what they could and I admire my uncle’s children and my aunt to be able to stay strong when he lost the battle. Pancreas cancer, 1 year fight. I know how much he hated the fact that day-by-day he was weaker and losing some dignity. He hated the fact that he needed to be looked after. He could see the pain and sadness on their faces. My cousin was 12 when her dad left us. I promised him I would always be there for her and I should call her more often but she does know that there is nothing she couldn’t ask from me. It was very hard to find the common ground at the beginning due to the age gap but believe it or not there was one thing I could always bring up first to break the ice- One Direction! Those guys haven’t got a clue what a magic power they hold. I have downloaded all of their songs and I am sure I bought more merchandise stuff than I did when I was a teenager. So I bought her a plane ticket and she flew to London and we went to a One Direction concert. You can’t imagine how good that made me feel. And I could see my uncle looking down at me and smiling and singing with us.

I hope one day One Direction can read this and understand what their music can do. She is their biggest fan after all! And the way she handle this huge and unbearable pain was outstanding. She is a heroine 🙂

Only a couple of months after, once my grandma buried her son she found out that she had cancer too. She was way over 80 and it was very hard for her to deal with the illness on a daily basis. The last time I saw her in the hospital she was paper thin and she could hardly recognise me. Her bones were sticking out and she looked so fragile. My heart was broken. My cousin was outstanding how he helped her through, I really respect him for that.

My grandma also happened to be a great baker who made the nicest cakes ever. I am so pleased that I learnt how to replicate her famous poppy seed cakes a few years before she died. No regrets. The knowledge is not lost but I have to confess I have never made it myself since.

Never postpone such wishes (no matter how small or big) because you never know when your last chance will be. Sometimes there is no next time and you have to deal with the regret. We all have these promises to ourselves, make sure you do it. My grandma told me the cutest advice on how to keep a man. 3 things: know how to cook, be clean and tidy and always maintain nice, clean hair.

We only had a couple of months to recover before my dad announced his cancer. I could not believe it, not again… I wasn’t close to my dad but it didn’t change the fact that he was my dad and I thank him for the most precious thing I have: my life. He really started to appreciate his when it was too late. In less than a year he was gone too, his final state was quicker. He walked in the hospital and few days later I got the phone call. When my bro calls me more than once at a time I always suspect that he has bad news… I still couldn’t believe it only a month before he had wished me happy 30th birthday on the phone and he could only whisper it, cancer was in his throat. I remember when I went home a couple of months before and we went to chemotherapy together. I remember looking around at everyone in the hospital talking and sharing stories and hoping that they would not have to go through what we had been through as a family in the past year. Like I said we were not that close (my parents got divorced when I was 6 months old) but his face was so happy when he saw me. He was very proud of me and told me so many times how me and my bro were the best thing he had ever done. No regrets from him there.

This year it is going to be a muddy one…

I’m taking part in the Pretty Muddy London – Finsbury Park 5k 2016 10:00 on 24/07/2016 to raise money for Cancer Research UK and I’d really appreciate your support.Donating to my JustGiving page is easy – just follow this link and click Donate:

http://www.justgiving.com/owner-email/pleasesponsor/getinspiredlondon2016

Next: I still have to sell this body

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

cancer research run

When the universe is playing up

I have imagined the perfect guy! I was as specific as you can be and I thought about everything… Well it turns out not about everything..

I wished for someone who is fun, smart, successful, good looking, and a good kisser (obviously), who wants to live in London (too much to ask for already)… I could continue! And here he was. Picked me from the crowd on a Friday night and together we were watching the fireworks. Had a great laugh and changed numbers. Waited the 48 hours and invited me out and we were having dinner and a romantic walk in London! He is brilliant, honestly. And what do I do? Nothing. I felt nothing. No spark, not the slightest, I could not picture it at all, I have tried so hard and forced it but it didn’t work. And I have never done anything like this (never went out on a date and kissed straight away with a kind-of-stranger). I really didn’t want to hurt him and I just hope that I didn’t but I had to let him go. Well, I kind of ran away. 

Then I looked up and asked “why”? Why did you send me him? What was that for? What are you trying to say? 

And I knew it instantly: I have to stop picturing it and imagining it, cos whatever I think is good for me is not what is good for me! Knowing that whatever happens I can’t and I shouldn’t influence fate. I believe in the law of attraction but this time I guess I have to stop planning…. I put my trust in you Universe!

After effect:

Met with a friend on the plane. As always, friends are eager to ask if you are seeing someone. I started to tell this story and being grateful that at least I have a story to tell. So I explained how we met and what a disaster it was and such a shame as he was nice etc… And my friend’s reaction was this… “Well you shouldn’t be too picky or you will be a spinster! You can get used to him. My wife wasn’t too keen at the beginning either.” Another classic piece of advice added to my list! – Well done my friend! I just smiled as there is no point in arguing but let me tell you this, I would rather be single for the rest of my life than be in a relationship where I don’t want to have sex or I am not in love or it is dysfunctional! What’s the point? Not for me I am afraid.

Next: Opening up?

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

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