Some memories never fade, they stay with us forever… I am not afraid to admit: after the “Big Bang” I had the worst year of my life so far. It doesn’t matter how long you were happy, once it’s over, it is very hard to let it go and start everything from scratch (new place, job, town, friends etc).
It can happen to anyone unfortunately and most of the time we are too blind to see that it was probably the best thing which could have happened. I was anyway…
However, once I stopped feeling sorry for myself I realised that I was about to start an amazing new era and it has turned out to be better than ever. I am in charge and in control of my own life, I have freedom. My personality had a chance to catch up with me, I have started to explore and grow more and more! Also people like to think that you will be fine and you will survive and yes, they are right. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t extremely hard though…
One day I woke up and I got my signs, I knew instantly what I was meant to do. After I put the broken pieces together and I looked back and I could see it clearly. The stages, the challenges, the actions and I realised that surely I am not alone with this, in fact, we are many of us. I have also realised that the most difficult thing was, when I moved to London, to find friends who I can go out and explore with. Together everything is so much easier. How to find each other then? This is the hardest. I have started to attract similar people and I got my ability back to be able to give, help and share. Really soon I have found myself starting this blog, writing action plans from my own experience and I am trying to find the ways to bring us together (Meet Up page). If I can motivate at least one person and make this recovery process just a little bit easier for some, I know this time and energy I am investing in this was worth it 🙂
I have identified 10 main stages I have experienced and seen around me as well. We are all different, we all need different amounts of time and we don’t all go through everything but one thing is usually common: the journey!
1. Stage of SURVIVING! The survival instinct kicks in, the body is under shock and only the adrenalin helps to keep us going. The mind still manages to act and pretend that it will be ok and it is not a big deal.
Body: eating problems, no attention to appearence
Mind: sleeping issues, blankness
Soul: isolation, only closest friends or family
Body: no chance to do anything
Mind: no chance to do anything
Soul: no chance to do anything
2. Stage of ACT and MELT! Time to act and do what needs to be done, moving out, putting the first new pillar down: a new place or if it is the same, decorating. Keeping the mind busy 24/7, making sure it is occupied, party season for some. End of the second stage, when basic steps are done, it is the usual time when the proper melt down hits the heart. It must come out sooner or later!
Body: crying, still eating issues, drinking
Mind: depression, what have I done wrong stage, party animal status
Soul: lost, emptiness, isolation, energy taker
Body: trying to force the body to get back and eat regularly, trying not to drink or be out constantly
Mind: no chance to do anything, spinning constantly
Soul: trying to call friends as much as possible
3. Stage of ACCEPTANCE! Travelling, switching off, everybody knows no need to talk about it constantly. Getting a break and running away. Stopping with being out 24/7.
Body: no sport but eating and looks showing improvement
Mind: reaching the edge, stop button, no turning back
Soul: opened to friends and family only
Body: retail therapy, new haircut or colour
Mind: trying to control it, less emotional waves
Soul: trying to travel and get a break
4. Stage of the false “QUICK RECOVERY” period! Either dating apps or rebound etc. hoping to get a quicker recovery with someone else’s help.
Body: shock to the body, it wants its share
Mind: having the false “I am ok now” status
Soul: desire to be loved
Body: trying to resist
Mind: trying to be strong and not to show weakness
Soul: scared of being hurt again
5. Stage of LOWEST POINT! Going through the emotional storm and accepting that even “quick recovery” cannot help and won’t work. Reaching the proper low point. Reaching the “What now?” – stage. Second deepest point. Time helps and nothing else!
Body: broken, no motivation to dress up at all
Mind: burnt out, no inspiration, zombie stage
Soul: the proper ” I need to be alone” stage
Body: keep the routine, work at least and dressing up
Mind:read, watch, let the time does its job – healing
Soul: going through the past for the last time
6 Stage of PLANNING! Reaching the bottom means, the only way is up. Having enough of “zombie time: gives the mind and body a desire to implement some changes. Finally looking forwards and finding energy and motivation to write a plan.
Body: very unfit status, all the alarms are on
Mind: very active positive mindset with some up and downs
Soul: new opening up status
Body: start running or pick up an old hobby
Mind: start looking for courses
Soul: start looking for social activities
7. Stage of ACTIONS I. – BODY! Overcoming of procrastination and making sure plans don’t stay plans. They become actions and activities. As an example: acupuncture, running, new dancing school etc. The first is always the body! Sport will give
Body: desire to sort it out
Mind:more often positive than negative mindset
Soul: can listen to others again and feel the need to get out
Body: DO exercise and if financially it’s ok massage, spa etc.
Mind: can start yoga and mindfulness
Soul: meet up with old friends
8. Stage of ACTIONS II. – MIND! New job, new courses such as photo or make up course or anything which is carrier related. Doing the things which are planned will boost self-esteem and confidence.
Body: fit again
Mind: occupied and getting sleep again
Soul: can help again and share energy, becoming an energy giver
Body: sport and new challenges even
Mind: doing all the planned courses and mindfulness activities
Soul: positive thinking and smiling
9. Stage of ACTIONS III. – SOUL! social life, meet ups, salsa, start to change,get strong, believe
Body: best form
Mind: very active
Soul: all ready for new connections
Body: keep up with the new routine
Mind: keep up with the new routine
Soul: actively going out and meeting up with new people
10. Stage of HAPPINESS! Getting the inner glow back, self-esteem is back, constantly attracting new people and having more and more fun and success. Finding purpose, it’s time to grow! Body, mind and soul are in harmony!