Being out of practise

What is wrong with the people nowadays? It seems that all the others want from a “date” is sex and let’s see what happens. When did the trend leave me behind? I know I was out of the market for a long time but when did everything change so much? What about having a drink and meet again? And holding hands and make it more exciting? Am I boring here? I am not saying that everybody is like this but what I have seen so far the new trend is like this: you meet, you go for it straight away without getting to know each other and it does’t work and the next one is on the agenda. Or actually many of them are on at the same time.

If you do run after a guy you don’t have a chance because you are desperate and it is obvious and very sad. And when you don’t run after a guy you don’t have a chance because they won’t run after you, they got used to it that they don’t have to do anything. Girls are running after them. How do you get one then? And how could you possibly be so outstanding, that in less than an hour, he thinks you are the one without going to bed straight away? If you don’t do it you are old fashioned and when you are do it you are a slut? Nice one!

This guy seemed really nice. He was young again so I knew I shouldn’t have started to talk to him at all at the first place but due to the fact that he was good looking I made an exception. (should’t be so picky right?) I shouldn’t have. When am I going to learn that I need to listen to the inner voice and alarm? He made me believe in such a short period of time that he is nice and not like others that honestly he deserves the Oscar. Brilliant performance. I thought I know better but you can always find a better performer. I am telling you someone is training them.

When he disappeared really soon after we met despite the fact that he seemed very nice and genuine what did my young friend say? Oh come on, don’t be so naïve, they all tell you the same that they want a relationship and not just hunting. This is part of their process. I really became and old woman, no doubt. I couldn’t understand it. If you want to have fun, why don’t you just say it? I hadn’t let anyone close for a long time and the first one I did let in was a freaking player again? I should do a course now. “How to recognise these idiots?”

Once they have got what they wanted they disappear. To be fair, when someone is like this, it doesn’t matter if you let him wait for a month or for a day, the outcome is the same. And you can’t really protect yourself from these ones; they know how to play the game. I guess sooner or later I will catch up and get better. It is expected that you don’t say a word after, does’t matter how bad he made you feel. However I don’t think it is fair that I have to accept that he was a prick and played with me and let me believe that he is a nice guy. Well, when someone says, “I am a nice guy” I turn around and run away!

If I could I would beat these ones up and make sure that they learn how to respect others. Why do they think they have the right to be a dick? There are so many girls who don’t mind just a fling. If he had told me that this is what he wants, I might have said yes and at least it would have been my decision as well. In this case he just made me feel really silly because I believed him. I am old enough and I really thought I am a good judge of characters. Clearly not! So unnecessary! He didn’t break my heart, no. After 5 years your heart does break. And it is painful. Not after this, this is nothing. It is just annoying more than anything. I am a big girl, it won’t ruin my self-esteem and make me think that something is wrong with me. I just hate them, that’s all. They don’t realize that you lose a piece of trust again, you get disappointed and you lose a little bit of faith as well. Do normal guys still exist? Or is it a myth? You build back a thicker wall; you grow more stings and become a proper hedgehog. And by the time the actual nice guy turns up you cannot trust and you don’t open up. How many times do we have to learn these lessons and harden up before you find the right one?

(Author: An, not edited)

Next: Asking for advice from a guy

no need to cry baby

No need to cry baby

 

Good or nothing…

I have met some guys recently….

I wouldn’t call them “dates” but my friend is constantly  laughing at me because I am meeting with guys and I don’t even realise that they are dates. Maybe I am naïve or maybe I am right, who knows. Regardless, I have many male friends and I think it is normal. Anyway, let’s get to the point.

I have met with this nice guy and very soon he made some observations that I have found very negative. It is not important what he said and I am pretty sure he didn’t want to be mean but soon enough I put a wall up and I started to be very quiet (so not like me!). He didn’t notice it at all. Made me wonder why I took it so personally, I shouldn’t have. I know who I am, what I am worth and my confidence is ok (finally). But at the same time my gut feeling told me to run away. Why? Because I don’t need anyone around me who likes picking on me or on others actually. It is not inspiring at all. Who wants to be judged or criticised especially by someone who doesn’t even know you? No one is perfect and this is the best part. And I have thought of someone from my past. Made me realised how positive he was and why I missed him so much, he is the exact opposite. He would never say anything bad about anyone, he talks about his family and friends with so much love.  And he has the ability to make you feel special.

And all of this taught me two lessons. First of all, I started to pay attention to my own comments and making sure I don’t say anything negative and I don’t judge or criticise. Sometimes I am quite sarcastic so I do have to be careful. And the second lesson I have learnt is even better. Whenever I notice that someone is doing this I know straight away that it won’t work (guy or girl) and I cut it short. When someone has this attitude I know for sure we won’t click at all. This is something I really don’t like and it puts me off. At the end of the day who wants to be told on a daily basis that you are not good enough or you do this and this wrong instead of being surrounded with people who bring out the best of you and encourage you to do even better. BE POSITIVE! I believe in this more than anything.

There is a very thin line between being “helpful” and actually telling someone what to do or highlighting that they are doing something “wrong” (and maybe it is not wrong at all anyway). I am still learning this and no one is perfect, the key is that you recognise your weaknesses and you do your best to improve.

(Author: An, not edited)

Next: it’s all about the ring

BE POSITIVE

BE POSITIVE