It’s time to say goodbye

When you work in an office and every day is the same you really wish you had the opportunity to travel for a living and stay in nice hotels. But when you do that constantly you get sick of it really soon, as I found out. No one is ever happy, human nature! Just like girls with straight hair wanting curls and vice versa.
I can’t complain I had some sort of job, was independent but I didn’t have a life. I had to travel from London to Leeds at least every second week, sometimes every week (see previous posts). I was spending my week days in hotels. Loneliness reached a very different level, as I had so much time on the roads with my job (and many other things) to
reflect. M1 and A1 became my best friends, know them so well.
In the end I would work later than I had to and fill all silence with noise because it was better than being in the hotel room alone. I knew it was only temporary, I had my plans however filling up that massive emptiness in a different city was a challenge. At the first I used to go to the bar area to get some company, hoping I could meet interesting people. Yep, me being naive again I know. It was full of ageing men with a good salary who can’t wait for vulnerable pray like me. Argh. Come on old men, just be faithful please! My little trips to the bar stopped pretty quickly!

Dancing was the highlight. When Amy had a free night and we went for dinner was always the best. I am ever so grateful! I also went for a swim whenever I could and talked to random people in the sauna. I really think I tried everything to keep myself busy. It did help no doubt but happiness was far-far away…
Finally my last day at this job arrived. As usual, being on my own in the pool (around 9pm it is expected), I enjoyed my last swimming there. Water has a special effect, it really switches my mind off. To breathe and feel weightless. Magic! I had so many thoughts in my head, selection of emotions, it had to come out somehow. Therefore when I went back to the room I wrote one of my final “diary rhymes”. (Since then I have created a busier, happier life so have no time for rhymes anymore.) I knew everything would change after this particular day on the roads. I had only one interview on my last day at my job. I had absolutely nothing else lined up….

Three hundred and thirty, and it’s really not dirty
I am alone in the room, I cannot be wordy
It’s been for a year, it’s always only me
My final night is here and I am getting released

God put me here, to be on my own
Not to hear a sound, so I find the inner glow
I learnt to shut up and listen to myself
Not to get distracted, be happy in my head

To hear my own soul, (cos) it was lost in a hole
Found its way back, finally it grows
I was really alone, this room was my home
Living in a hotel, it wasn’t my goal

The tea in the draw, the pics on the wall
I swear I won’t miss it, I am ready to go
The number has changed but the rest stayed the same
I needed to get out and start a new game

Ten thousand miles, what I drove with my car
I sang the same songs like a million times
It was in York but not in the New
Shire is the end and the people are cool

I am ever so grateful, I can’t say a word
Everything I learnt here I really deserved
Things will be fine, I am standing at the door
Of course I am scared but this was my choice

Next: Ready for the next chapter

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)


only some of them

only some of them

Mask Party in London…

No one can say I don’t go out and at least try everything, anymore. My lovely neighbours, who are really nice by the way just a bit too open-minded, invited me to a party. I am sure many people know about the mask parties at Elephant and Castle but I hadn’t and I was just about to discover it. It was Valentine day therefore no chance I was going to stay at home. Anyway, what can happen at a party like this? Truth? A lot! Never underestimate a mask party. Anything is possible in London. If you like adventures you should try.

I borrowed a beautiful mask and when I put it on it made me shiver. It really gives you something more. It places you in a different world. You become faceless and suddenly you feel you can do things normally you wouldn’t. It must be similar to when people give toy glasses to kids on a stage- they are not scared anymore. It gives you a second personality. No, I didn’t become an easy-to-get girl but you can kind of look everything without feeling ashamed.

When we got there I did realise pretty soon that it would be a night I wouldn’t forget. The costumes were beautiful, some girls really put effort in and it was worth going just for this. Naked people were there too and it was completely acceptable! Only one rule, they all had masks on, they wouldn’t let you in without it. I really don’t understand why people feel the need to share their c**ks with others but this place is not about limits and social norms. This place used to be a theatre. Which makes it very special. It was huge with many rooms and activities. The decoration was crazy- a pig head with an apple was the most shocking. In the middle you had the privilege of looking at ladies getting rid of their clothes. Well, mainly they were ladies. I am sure I wasn’t the only one shocked when one of them finished with a tiny cock! Straight away I had a handsome guy talking to me from Italy. He was doing his master degree here. I was very tempted I have to say but my inner game was nowhere back then and I ran away. Very mature I know. I went to try the floor above. Oh yes, forgot to say that I lost my neighbours pretty soon in the Jacuzzi room where they were all getting naked and watched old films. I really didn’t want to see him naked, I still wanted to like him. So I left him and discovered the place by myself. What else would I do? Alice’s wonderland seemed nothing compared with this alternative crazy world. On the top floor naked guys and girls were feeding their guests and each other. The feast! For me it just felt wrong but I do get the concept and why others find this fascinating. It was the busiest room. (I left this room pretty quickly.) The big theatre stage was for better quality shows. Bands were playing and of course more naked ladies. I had some guys talking to me here as well, can’t complain really. Must be good for your self-esteem right? There were cages around where you could take your selfie. There was a room where you can cut an onion and have some voodoo as a joke if you wanted to forget the X?! (It was Valentine’s Day after all.) Good job I hate onion so I never went close to that one but great idea… And there was a room where couples could try out some kind of dungeon treatments on each other, yum. I would like to clarify that everybody was playful and there to have a good time. I am sure it attracted the sick ones as well but it was full of security guys so I felt really safe and honestly most people were fun. All just wanted to try something different, and why not? You only live once. This is the safe version. This was the time when I learnt about the other kind of parties London had on offer. The ones I would probably not go to again. I came, I saw, I was shocked and left. Politely. And dressed.

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

Next: Swing Party