It’s time to say goodbye

When you work in an office and every day is the same you really wish you had the opportunity to travel for a living and stay in nice hotels. But when you do that constantly you get sick of it really soon, as I found out. No one is ever happy, human nature! Just like girls with straight hair wanting curls and vice versa.
I can’t complain I had some sort of job, was independent but I didn’t have a life. I had to travel from London to Leeds at least every second week, sometimes every week (see previous posts). I was spending my week days in hotels. Loneliness reached a very different level, as I had so much time on the roads with my job (and many other things) to
reflect. M1 and A1 became my best friends, know them so well.
In the end I would work later than I had to and fill all silence with noise because it was better than being in the hotel room alone. I knew it was only temporary, I had my plans however filling up that massive emptiness in a different city was a challenge. At the first I used to go to the bar area to get some company, hoping I could meet interesting people. Yep, me being naive again I know. It was full of ageing men with a good salary who can’t wait for vulnerable pray like me. Argh. Come on old men, just be faithful please! My little trips to the bar stopped pretty quickly!

Dancing was the highlight. When Amy had a free night and we went for dinner was always the best. I am ever so grateful! I also went for a swim whenever I could and talked to random people in the sauna. I really think I tried everything to keep myself busy. It did help no doubt but happiness was far-far away…
Finally my last day at this job arrived. As usual, being on my own in the pool (around 9pm it is expected), I enjoyed my last swimming there. Water has a special effect, it really switches my mind off. To breathe and feel weightless. Magic! I had so many thoughts in my head, selection of emotions, it had to come out somehow. Therefore when I went back to the room I wrote one of my final “diary rhymes”. (Since then I have created a busier, happier life so have no time for rhymes anymore.) I knew everything would change after this particular day on the roads. I had only one interview on my last day at my job. I had absolutely nothing else lined up….

Three hundred and thirty, and it’s really not dirty
I am alone in the room, I cannot be wordy
It’s been for a year, it’s always only me
My final night is here and I am getting released

God put me here, to be on my own
Not to hear a sound, so I find the inner glow
I learnt to shut up and listen to myself
Not to get distracted, be happy in my head

To hear my own soul, (cos) it was lost in a hole
Found its way back, finally it grows
I was really alone, this room was my home
Living in a hotel, it wasn’t my goal

The tea in the draw, the pics on the wall
I swear I won’t miss it, I am ready to go
The number has changed but the rest stayed the same
I needed to get out and start a new game

Ten thousand miles, what I drove with my car
I sang the same songs like a million times
It was in York but not in the New
Shire is the end and the people are cool

I am ever so grateful, I can’t say a word
Everything I learnt here I really deserved
Things will be fine, I am standing at the door
Of course I am scared but this was my choice

Next: Ready for the next chapter

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

 

only some of them

only some of them

Turning point – handing my notice in

This moment was a magic moment. I will never forget it. That smile on my face was solid. I had the money I needed to be able to do it, finally! It was spring time, perfect timing and my one year working in marketing on the agency side, was done and I had learnt all the things I set out to learn. Finally the dark period (travelling and no life) and my hotel life came to an end. The light appeared at the end of the tunnel. I would get my life back. No more waiting, I am in charge of my life again. Did I have another job? No! Did everybody think I was an idiot? Yes! Were they right? No 🙂 Thank god! You will understand this later on…

My young female manager wasn’t the best boss of my life I have to say, so letting her know that I was leaving was the best feeling ever. She made my life difficult (not the first and not the last). Let’s say we didn’t click. However I can’t be grateful enough because if she had been nice I might have stayed longer and I shouldn’t have. She was my sign. She gave me the last kick. I will give her, her due though, I have learnt a lot from her. I have learnt how to handle challenging work folk!

Couple of thoughts:
1. When someone makes your life miserable at work, be grateful for it! It means you got your sign and now it is time to move on!
2. Don’t complain about your job! If you hate it, move on and change your life! This is your life and the only person who can change it, is YOU! Take some actions and find another one, stop looking for excuses! However I have to say, sometimes you do need to stay for a bit longer (e.g saving some money first, finishing a course, maybe moving is coming up, waiting for spring when the market is better etc.). When it happens just always concentrate on the finish date and knowledge that it is only temporary! It will help you to concentrate on better things 😉 trust me, when you are constantly complaining you are not a fun person to be with!
3. People used to tell me that your job is only a job and you shouldn’t worry about it. When you finish work just stop thinking about it…. I can’t think like that. I admire everybody who can switch off though. I do believe when you are surrounded with like-minded people and you love what you do, you have more energy at the end of the day.
4. Whatever you do, be good at it and make the most of it! Smiling cost nothing! You have to go to work anyway so might as well do it with a happy mindset. Also think about how you can do more, maybe do some courses and improve your skills. When you are growing your confidence will increase as well.
5. Sometimes you start a new job and you realise that you are different and you don’t fit in. It happens! Don’t lose faith, nothing is wrong with you! You are not better or worse, you are just different! You can give yourself some time and see if it gets any better, it might do. Maybe there is a lesson you need to learn (this is how I think about it anyway). The choice is yours: you are not a tree, you can move!

Warning! Do not quit your job without planning and/or savings! Thank you!

Next: It’s time to say goodbye

(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)

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