I have imagined the perfect guy! I was as specific as you can be and I thought about everything… Well it turns out not about everything..
I wished for someone who is fun, smart, successful, good looking, and a good kisser (obviously), who wants to live in London (too much to ask for already)… I could continue! And here he was. Picked me from the crowd on a Friday night and together we were watching the fireworks. Had a great laugh and changed numbers. Waited the 48 hours and invited me out and we were having dinner and a romantic walk in London! He is brilliant, honestly. And what do I do? Nothing. I felt nothing. No spark, not the slightest, I could not picture it at all, I have tried so hard and forced it but it didn’t work. And I have never done anything like this (never went out on a date and kissed straight away with a kind-of-stranger). I really didn’t want to hurt him and I just hope that I didn’t but I had to let him go. Well, I kind of ran away.
Then I looked up and asked “why”? Why did you send me him? What was that for? What are you trying to say?
And I knew it instantly: I have to stop picturing it and imagining it, cos whatever I think is good for me is not what is good for me! Knowing that whatever happens I can’t and I shouldn’t influence fate. I believe in the law of attraction but this time I guess I have to stop planning…. I put my trust in you Universe!
Met with a friend on the plane. As always, friends are eager to ask if you are seeing someone. I started to tell this story and being grateful that at least I have a story to tell. So I explained how we met and what a disaster it was and such a shame as he was nice etc… And my friend’s reaction was this… “Well you shouldn’t be too picky or you will be a spinster! You can get used to him. My wife wasn’t too keen at the beginning either.” Another classic piece of advice added to my list! – Well done my friend! I just smiled as there is no point in arguing but let me tell you this, I would rather be single for the rest of my life than be in a relationship where I don’t want to have sex or I am not in love or it is dysfunctional! What’s the point? Not for me I am afraid.
Next: Opening up?
(Author: An, edited by my lovely friend Sarah)